There’s a powerful statement from Brené Brown that resonates deeply: "The story I am telling myself…" It’s a phrase that acts as a bridge between the emotions we feel and the narratives we create about those emotions. This simple yet profound concept, found in her research on vulnerability and shame, helps us recognize how our minds often fill in the gaps when we feel triggered by something someone said or did.

In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown explores the transformative power of vulnerability and how it is the birthplace of courage, creativity, and meaningful connection. Yet, for many of us, vulnerability is seen as weakness. We armor up, protecting ourselves from judgment, rejection, and shame. We tell ourselves stories—stories about why we’re not good enough, why someone else’s words must mean something negative about us, or why it's safer to hide than to be fully seen.

But what if we challenged these narratives? What if we dared to rewrite the story we tell ourselves and chose vulnerability as a path to strength instead of fear?

Understanding the Story, We Tell Ourselves

Imagine this: A friend cancels plans last minute. A coworker doesn’t respond to your email. A loved one makes a remark that stings. Your mind immediately starts working: They don’t care about me. I must have done something wrong. I’m not important.

Sound familiar? This internal storytelling is our brain’s way of making sense of the world, filling in gaps where we lack information. However, these assumptions are often based on past wounds rather than present reality. Brené Brown explains that this response is rooted in shame and fear—the fear of not being enough, not being worthy, not being loved.

What if, instead, we paused and acknowledged: The story I am telling myself is…? By doing so, we shift from emotional reactivity to self-awareness, allowing us to challenge false narratives and approach situations with clarity and compassion.

The Fear of Vulnerability and Why We Avoid It

We avoid vulnerability because we equate it with exposure and risk. Brown’s research shows that society often teaches us to see vulnerability as a liability—something to suppress or avoid at all costs. We buy into the myth that strength means emotional invincibility and that asking for help, expressing emotions, or admitting we don’t have it all figured out makes us weak.

But in reality, vulnerability is the foundation of courage. Every great leader, innovator, and trailblazer has had to risk failure, criticism, and rejection. They dared greatly.

Brown reminds us: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” When we shut ourselves off from vulnerability, we shut ourselves off from the very experiences that bring fulfillment, purpose, and connection.

The Cost of Avoiding Vulnerability

When we refuse to be vulnerable, we often engage in self-protective behaviors:

• Perfectionism – If I do everything flawlessly, no one can criticize me.
• People-Pleasing – If I meet everyone’s expectations, I won’t be rejected.
• Numbing – If I stay busy, distract myself, or avoid deep emotions, I won’t have to feel pain.
• Shutting Down – If I don’t express my needs or emotions, I won’t risk getting hurt.

While these coping mechanisms may offer temporary relief, they ultimately lead to loneliness, frustration, and a sense of disconnection from our authentic selves.

Daring to Rewrite Your Story

So how do we shift from fear-driven storytelling to courageous vulnerability? Here are three steps:

1. Recognize Your Triggers
   Pay attention to when you feel defensive, hurt, or insecure. Ask yourself: What’s the story I’m telling myself right now? Is it based on facts, or am I making assumptions based on past pain?
2. Challenge the Narrative
   Once you identify the story, question its validity. Is there another possible explanation? Could your friend have canceled due to exhaustion rather than rejection? Could your coworker’s silence be due to their own stress rather than a dismissal of you?
3. Choose Courage Over Comfort
   Vulnerability is uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to build real relationships and a meaningful life. Have the hard conversation. Share your real feelings. Ask for what you need. Instead of withdrawing, say, “I felt hurt when you canceled. Is everything okay?” instead of assuming the worst.

The Power of Choosing Vulnerability

When we stop telling ourselves false stories and start engaging with reality, we free ourselves from the grip of shame and fear. We develop deeper self-awareness and stronger relationships. We build resilience and confidence.

And most importantly, we give ourselves permission to show up fully in our lives. To risk. To grow. To dare greatly.

Join Our Free Book Study: Choosing Greatly

If this resonates with you, I invite you to take the next step in your journey toward embracing vulnerability. I’m offering a free book study course: Choosing Greatly, designed to help you:

• Build self-awareness around why you or people in your life struggle with vulnerability.
• Understand the connection between past experiences and current fears.
• Learn how to open yourself up to be seen without fear of rejection.

This course is available until February 17th as my special gift to show you some love this Valentine’s season. I want to see you grow and build a life filled with joy and fulfillment—which starts with how you see yourself.

When you finish this study, you’ll feel more honest with yourself and gain the courage to be vulnerable in your personal and professional life.

Ready to start? Sign up here and take the first step toward daring greatly. 

Use this Code at Checkout and it's yours FREE DARINGGREATLY25

By challenging the stories, we tell ourselves and daring to embrace vulnerability, we unlock our true strength. It’s time to step into the arena, take off the armor, and live fully. Because as Brené Brown reminds us:

“It is not the critic who counts… The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena… who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”