"When perfectionism is in the driver's Seat, shame is the co-pilot." ~Brene Brown.

It's a new year and let's be real thinking about New Year's Resolution can lead to perfectionism and shame. Which becomes an exhausting cycle that can last year after year, so why not do something different this year! Let's begin to focus on progress and becoming the most authentic version of ourselves. Not sure about you but I am tired off trying to be the best at everything and being confused on who I even am and hopefully this will give you some perspective and set you on a path to create joy and fulfillment in your life! 

Let's dive deeper into the tandem of perfectionism and shame.

Imagine perfectionism as a personal coach who always expects you to hit the bullseye, no matter how tiny the target is. It's like having this voice in your head that says, "You need to be the best at everything, all the time." Perfectionism sets these sky-high standards, making you believe that anything less than perfect isn't good enough. It's that constant pressure to get everything right, whether it's your grades, your appearance, or even how you act around others.

Now, meet shame--the sidekick to perfectionism. When you're striving so hard for perfection and, inevitably, you don't meet those impossible standards, shame shows up. It's like a heavy cloud hanging over you, making you feel like you've failed. Instead of just feeling bad about something you did, shame makes you feel bad about who you are. It's that voice inside those whispers, "You're not good enough. You'll never be good enough."

Together, perfectionism and shame make a tough team. Perfectionism sets the stage by making you aim for the impossible, and shame steps in when you don't quite reach that impossible goal. It's a cycle where you're constantly pushing yourself to be perfect, but no matter how hard you try, that voice always tells you that you've fallen short.

And the tricky part? This cycle can be really hard on you. It messes with your feelings, thoughts, and how you see yourself. It can make you anxious, sad, or even make you want to avoid doing things altogether because you're scared of not being perfect.

The trouble is, striving for perfection is like chasing a rainbow's end--you can run and run, but you'll never quite reach it. And shame? It's like a heavy backpack you carry around, weighing you down and making the journey tougher.

But here's the secret: it's okay not to be perfect. Nobody is! Embracing that it's alright to make mistakes or not have everything go exactly as planned is a powerful tool in breaking free from this cycle.

Spotting When Perfectionism and Shame Are in Charge

You might notice these things happening:

• Being too hard on yourself.
• Thinking things are either perfect or a total disaster.
• Delaying stuff because you're scared of failing.
• Comparing yourself to others a lot.
• Struggling to take criticism.
• Talking harshly to yourself.
• Feeling super tired all the time.
• Breaking Free from the Cycle

It is important to recognize when perfectionism and shame are taking over. According to psychological research, perfectionism can lead to significant interpersonal problems and is correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis ^1,2.

To fight back, try being kinder to yourself, setting more realistic goals, talking to someone you trust, and began questioning those irrational beliefs that fuel your perfectionism ^1,2.

Remember, it's okay to make mistakes and learn from them. As Brené Brown says, "Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live, look, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield. It's a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from flight" ². So, let's strive for progress, not perfection!

Picture this: imagine you're carrying this enormous shield everywhere you go. It's like a fortress wall that you believe keeps you safe from criticism, failure, and disappointment. It feels like it's your armor, shielding you from anything that might bruise your confidence or make you feel inadequate. But here's the twist--it's not just shielding you from harm; it's also holding you back.

This shield isn't just heavy; it's a colossal weight. It's the weight of impossible standards and the fear of not measuring up. While it feels like protection, it's actually the very thing that keeps you grounded, preventing you from soaring high and reaching your full potential.

Instead of being a safety net, this shield becomes a barrier to progress. It's like having wings but being too burdened to take flight. It weighs down your spirit and restricts your ability to grow and explore new horizons.

Now, about striving for progress, not perfection--imagine setting out on a journey with the aim of progress rather than an unreachable perfect destination. Progress means taking steps forward, learning from mistakes, and embracing growth. It's about understanding that each step you take is a victory, no matter how small.

So, let's drop that heavy shield of perfectionism and embrace the idea of progress. Progress allows for imperfections; it acknowledges that setbacks are part of the journey. It's liberating because it frees you from the constant pressure of trying to be flawless. Progress celebrates each step you take, encouraging you to keep moving forward, learning, and evolving. It's about the journey, not just the destination.

Aiming for progress gives you the freedom to grow, learn, and experience without the weight of unrealistic expectations. It's like shedding that heavy shield and feeling the exhilaration of being able to spread your wings and soar toward your goals. You can take control and steer towards a healthier, happier path where self-acceptance and self-compassion lead the way.

One way to support yourself on this journey to self-discovery and authenticity is mindfulness and I have created one for you this week that allows you to separate your identity from your roles which is crucial for fostering a healthy sense of self-worth, and inner fulfillment. By using this mindfulness, you can gradually detach your sense of self-worth from external roles, allowing for a more profound understanding and appreciation of your unique identity beyond societal labels and expectations.

1 apa.org

2 thegrowthfaculty.com