For many Christians, marriage is a sacred promise not just between two people but also with God. This belief can make the decision to divorce feel like a big failure or even a sin. Many Christians struggle with intense feelings of guilt, thinking they are disappointing their faith, their family, and their community. This struggle is made worse by the fear of being judged and left out by other believers.

One of the hardest parts of going through a divorce as a Christian is not getting enough support from the church. Many churches focus a lot on the importance and forever nature of marriage, which can make them less understanding and caring towards those who are going through a divorce. Instead of offering a safe place for people to share their pain and get help, some church communities might focus more on the ideal of staying married. Often, this can make people feel abandoned and judged when they need love and support the most.

What the Bible Says About Divorce

The Bible acknowledges that divorce is a reality and offers guidance for those going through it. It's important to understand that divorce was never God's original plan for marriage. The Bible teaches that marriage is a lifelong commitment and that divorce should only be considered as a last resort in cases of infidelity or abandonment (Matthew 19:8-9). However, we live in a fallen world, and divorce may become necessary for various reasons. In such cases, it is crucial to seek godly counsel and guidance from church leaders or professional counselors (Proverbs 11:14).

God's View on Divorce and the Divorcee

It is important to remember that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), but He does not hate the divorcee. He loves us and wants us to find healing and restoration in Him. It is possible to move past the pain of divorce and experience God's peace and joy again (Psalm 147:3). While divorce is never an easy process, Christians can trust that God is with them every step. He promises never to leave or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Dealing with the Stigma of Divorce

Divorce is often a challenging and painful experience, compounded by the stigma that can accompany it. People might judge you or make unfair assumptions about your character because of your divorce. In Christian communities, this negative judgment can be overwhelming. Divorced individuals might be viewed as failing in their spiritual duty or not as committed to their faith. This stigma can manifest in various ways, such as being excluded from certain church activities or leadership roles or disapproval from other church members. Women often face even more criticism, being judged not only for getting a divorce but also for its impact on their children and family. These experiences can make it even harder to seek help and may result in further traumatization.

Focusing on your well-being and happiness is crucial to handling this stigma. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand divorce is a complex and personal issue. Prioritize building a fulfilling life for yourself and try not to let others' opinions affect you. Another effective way to address the stigma is through education. Share your story and explain why you decided to end your marriage. Helping others understand that divorce isn't a failure but a step towards a healthier and happier life can change perspectives.

Addressing the stigma of divorce in Christian communities requires open conversations and a shift in views. Churches need to recognize that, while painful, divorce can sometimes be the best option for those in unhealthy or abusive relationships. Compassion, not condemnation, should be the church's response. By fostering an environment of understanding and support, churches can assist people in navigating the difficult divorce process with dignity and grace, making sure they feel loved and valued no matter what.

Practical Ways to Move Forward

Forgiveness: Forgiveness is essential for healing, though it's not always easy. Holding onto anger and resentment only hurts you in the long run. You can move forward and find peace by forgiving your ex-spouse and yourself. This process takes time and effort, but letting go of grudges is crucial for emotional well-being.

Rediscover Your Identity: Divorce can make you feel lost and unsure of who you are. Take the time to reflect on your values, beliefs, and goals to rediscover your identity. Explore new hobbies and activities you may not have had the chance to do before. This can help you find new passions and purpose in life. Joining groups or organizations can help you meet new people and form meaningful connections.

Take It One Day at a Time: Healing and moving forward is a journey that takes time. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way. Remember that with time, healing and forgiveness are possible.

Self-Care: Divorce can damage physical and emotional health. Self-care, including getting enough rest, exercising, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy, is foundational to healing.

Support System: Having a support system can make a significant difference during a divorce. Lean on family and friends and consider joining a support group. Talking to others who have been through a divorce can provide insight, validation, and a sense of community. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can help you feel less alone and more understood.

Therapy or Coaching: These can be a valuable tool for finding healing and forgiveness. A therapist can help you process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and work on forgiveness. Consider seeking therapy for yourself or for your children. Professional guidance can be beneficial during this challenging time.

Gratitude: Focusing on the positive aspects of your life can help you find healing and forgiveness. Practice gratitude by journaling, meditating, or simply reflecting on the good things in your life. Shifting your mindset to focus on gratitude can improve your emotional health.

We created a guided mindfulness to help support yourself as you navigate challenges along your journey. 

Set Goals: Think about what you want to achieve personally and professionally. Setting realistic short-term and long-term goals can help you focus on the future and move forward purposefully. Goals give you direction and motivation during a time of uncertainty.

Navigating a divorce is challenging, but you don't have to do it alone. If you need support, please get in touch with one of the It's Your Story to Tell coaches for a free discovery call. We want to be there for you and help you as you process and rebuild your life. Book a discovery call here.